Suffer & Emptiness

have you ever think if you were me?
already feel deppresed since 2nd grade, already know about running away from home since 3rd grade. Live under deppresed and loneliness. Doesn't have anyone to talk to, and to protect me. I always search for someone, always.. in the middle of the rain, in the middle of fire. But then, someday i realize.. that there is no someone around me. At that time, i feel like everything has gone, everything has lost for me.
Don't you think that live like that is hard?
After that i tried to stand up and looking for someone. Someone that can fill this very loneliness in my heart. But, it's not someone. it's something! something that i can't understand and i don't know it. but i really need it. I've searched it on anywhere, anyone! but i can't find it! i give up. and i start to search something that can relax my mind. yes like you imagine it's Alcohol and Drugs. It did some nice work but i can't forget about anything. I don't know why. but after trying everything it feels like empty. like everything has lost for me.
"your life is not worthy" maybe that's what people say if they hearing my stories.
what do you think about that? don't you think that it's sad? don' you think that my life is fu--ing empty!?
but that's what called Suffer isn't it? and that's dalled suffer too